Transcript
DR FESMAN
There he is.
MR REDMOND
(groans)
DR FESMAN
There he is! There he is!
MR REDMOND
(coughing)
DR FESMAN
Nicely done, Mr. Redmond.
MR REDMOND
Oh!
DR FESMAN
Take it easy. Take it slow.
MR REDMOND
Ugh! Ah!
DR FESMAN
Take it slow.
MR REDMOND
Oh god, what time is it?
DR FESMAN
There he is. I don't know if that really matters. Well, we also don't have clocks in here. We're not allowed to.
MR REDMOND
What the- What? Not allowed to have clocks?
DR FESMAN
It's still Monday.
MR REDMOND
Oh, I'm in the hospi- Okay.
DR FESMAN
You're in the hospital.
MR REDMOND
Is my leg fixed?
DR FESMAN
Okay, good news, bad news.
MR REDMOND
Okay.
DR FESMAN
I'll start with bad news first. Now it's not huge bad news, but...
MR REDMOND
Mm-hmm Okay.
DR FESMAN
We're running a bunch of tests because your two bones- it's a clean break, which is good,
MR REDMOND
Okay.
DR FESMAN
but the bad news of your clean break is, sometimes your bones just kind of stop communicating.
MR REDMOND
Huh?
DR FESMAN
It seems as though the bone down, connected to your ankle, connected to your foot- not trying to use like, a lot of medical terminology, but: Bone, Ankle, Foot.
MR REDMOND
Mm-hmm.
DR FESMAN
That bone isn't really talking to your upper bone. We just- kind of as a whim
MR REDMOND
All right.
DR FESMAN
we did a little bit of small intestine repair. We took out your left kidney,
MR REDMOND
Oh.
DR FESMAN
we reshaped it, we put it back in. We took out your right kidney, reshaped that, put it back in.
MR REDMOND
What? Will that make my leg bones talk?
DR FESMAN
Well, it could.
MR REDMOND
Okay.
DR FESMAN
That's the thing. We're kind of running out of options because again, it seems as though your bones don't like each other anymore.
MR REDMOND
Is it any better? Or like...
DR FESMAN
It's not any better, um... And if I can be straight up with you, y'know-
MR REDMOND
Okay.
DR FESMAN
Mano e mano, um...
MR REDMOND
Yeah
DR FESMAN
it freaking stinks.
MR REDMOND
Oh no, that's...
DR FESMAN
basically.
MR REDMOND
That's not what you ever want to hear from a doctor, really.
DR FESMAN
No, it's not. What we're gonna do-
MR REDMOND
Oh
DR FESMAN
you've been pre, pre quasi-qualified. We've run a few of these scans before. It's kind of experimental. We need 20 scans in order to implement it into common practice, but you'd be number four.
MR REDMOND
Okay?
DR FESMAN
Yeah, we want to take you in for a CRIT scan. Now what a CRIT scan is going to do, it's this experimental technology we're working with. We're very lucky to have CRIT scans at Cooper-Grimm Memorial.
MR REDMOND
Mm-hmm.
DR FESMAN
But we're gonna wheel you in, we'll see what happens from there. We've had a lot of luck at- well, we had three 'lucks' in the past and maybe you can be lucky number four!
MR REDMOND
Okay, is this if this is experimental procedure... it's gonna be free? Or is it gonna be really expensive?
DR FESMAN
Yeah, well, it'll be free-ish, I think.
MR REDMOND
Free-ish?
DR FESMAN
It'll probably- I can say this with certainty, Mr Redmond, it'll probably be free-ish.
MR REDMOND
OK. Okay.
DR FESMAN
But I'm just going to wheel you in there.
MR REDMOND
Alright, yeah.
DR FESMAN
Because why not?
MR REDMOND
Do I need to, oh.
COSMIC RON
Stop!
DR FESMAN
Oh, here he is.
MR REDMOND
This is...
COSMIC RON
Be calm, be still. I come to you now. Doctor, please wheel him back.
DR FESMAN
Okay.
MR REDMOND
What?
COSMIC RON
[inhale]
MR REDMOND
What?
COSMIC RON
[cosmic hummoning]
DR FESMAN
Okay, he's all yours, Ron.
MR REDMOND
Is this-
COSMIC RON
I am Cosmic Ron. Mr. Redmond,
MR REDMOND
Hello?
COSMIC RON
Tell me. Tell me.
MR REDMOND
Yeah, yeah
COSMIC RON
Listen.
MR REDMOND
What?
COSMIC RON
Listen! Tell me, how- how does your leg?
MR REDMOND
What did you... What did... wait, what did you say?
COSMIC RON
Put this in your mouth.
MR REDMOND
Wait, okay
COSMIC RON
Bite down.
MR REDMOND
Okay.
COSMIC RON
Breathe in through your nose.
MR REDMOND
(mumbling)
COSMIC RON
Shhh. Breathing in does not require talking. Deep in, let's exhale. (cosmic breathing)
MR REDMOND
Is this a glove?
COSMIC RON
what?
MR REDMOND
Is this a glove?
COSMIC RON
No.
MR REDMOND
Kinda tastes like a glove.
COSMIC RON
Just shut up for a minute, okay?
MR REDMOND
Okay.
COSMIC RON
Now exhale all of your feeling.
MR REDMOND
Gahh... woooo
COSMIC RON
Good.
MR REDMOND
I didn't have much feeling when I came in.
COSMIC RON
Just take that out of your mouth for a second.
MR REDMOND
Okay, thank you
COSMIC RON
Okay, I need you to shake out a little bit.
MR REDMOND
Really looks like a glove.
COSMIC RON
What I'm doing here is I'm connecting us.
MR REDMOND
(groaning)
COSMIC RON
at a spiritual level with our physical bodies.
MR REDMOND
Okay. I don't-
COSMIC RON
Does that make sense?
MR REDMOND
Not particularly
COSMIC RON
Do I make sense?
MR REDMOND
Not right now.
COSMIC RON
Okay? Okay.
MR REDMOND
Can can I talk to Dr. Fesman?
DR FESMAN
I've been right behind you.
MR REDMOND
Oh.
COSMIC RON
Mr. Redmond!
MR REDMOND
When do we do the scan?
COSMIC RON
I AM THE SCAN. Mr. Redmond!
MR REDMOND
Wow, you really don't have to yell-
COSMIC RON
Okay?!
MR REDMOND
I can hear everything. I think the anesthesia is making...
COSMIC RON
Come here!
MR REDMOND
Oh no. Oh!
COSMIC RON
You smell like wet salad.
MR REDMOND
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
COSMIC RON
This is not good.
MR REDMOND
I don't- well- I've been in surgery for several hours, I think.
COSMIC RON
Doctor.
MR REDMOND
It's probably sweat.
DR FESMAN
Yeah, Ron.
MR REDMOND
Will you let go of me?
COSMIC RON
We're done here.
DR FESMAN
Okay.
MR REDMOND
(coughing)
DR FESMAN
I'll wheel him out.
MR REDMOND
Huh?
DR FESMAN
Thank you so much.
COSMIC RON
Thank you.
MR REDMOND
What?
COSMIC RON
Um, send the next one in, uh, just a little after three.
DR FESMAN
Okay, thank you very much.
MR REDMOND
When do we get the results back?
DR FESMAN
while you're...
COSMIC RON
Mr. Redman, please. For the last time.
MR REDMOND
What?
DR FESMAN
Just shut up.
COSMIC RON
Just, just, just
MR REDMOND
I'm sorry.
COSMIC RON
shut up for a minute.
MR REDMOND
I'm really sorry.
