Transcript
DANE
Right.
JAMES
But the woman you work with is Judy, isn't it?
RONALD
Hello? Hello?
DANE
It's Jooty. Hello.
RONALD
Mind if I just...
Pop down right with you?
DANE
No, go on, join us.
JAMES
I'm James.
DANE
James.
RONALD
James.
JAMES
Yeah, James!
DANE
That's a great name, isn't it?
RONALD
Did you two just meet as well?
DANE
Yeah!
JAMES
No!
DANE
Well, no.
JAMES
Yes.
DANE
Well, yeah.
JAMES
James is me dad's name. So he called me James, and my granddad's James, and my great grandad is James - So I'm James, isn't it?
RONALD
Do you have a son?
JAMES
Yeah, James!
RONALD
Good name. Strong name.
JAMES
Yeah, it's a strong name. What's your name?
RONALD
Oh, me?
JAMES
Yeh?
RONALD
Binsley!
DANE
Binsley?
RONALD
Yeah.
JAMES
Say again?
RONALD
Ronald Binsley!
JAMES
Ronald Binsley.
RONALD
Yeah, that's me.
JAMES
Whatcha do for work, Ronald?
RONALD
Got a little shop down in the corner!
JAMES
Ronald, you sell any sweets in your shop?
RONALD
Not sweets per se… Foot pasties!
DANE
Foot pasties?
RONALD
Aye.
JAMES
So we leave here, I can't expect to go find a croissant or a macaron at your shop?
RONALD
Oh no, not yet.
DANE
That's a flat piece of foot skin.
RONALD
Yeah, it's kind of a flat piece of foot skin actually. He's right. What was your name again? James?
JAMES
No.
RONALD
No.
JAMES
I'm James, my dad's James, my granddad, my great granddad and me son.
RONALD
No, but him with the mustache.
DANE
Me?
RONALD
Yeah!
DANE
Name's Dane.
RONALD
Dane.
DANE
Dane.
JAMES
Yeah, that's Dane. I'm James. You're Ronald. And you own a skin shop, right?
RONALD
You ever had a baklava?
DANE
A baklava?
JAMES
A baklava?
RONALD
Yeah, you know, it's all flaky with layers.
JAMES
Yeah. Baklava is right nice, innit?
DANE
Yeah, I suppose.
RONALD
It's kinda what it comes out as.
DANE
You like peel off the outermost layer?
RONALD
Nah, it usually goes a few layers deep.
DANE
Does it go like multiple layers deep?
RONALD
Yeah, well, it's not the only thing I sell. I also sell doorknobs, hooks, screwdrivers, dead birds-
JAMES
Now this is skin off a human being's foot?
RONALD
Usually right off me own foot. Or, you know, if someone makes you mad and you drive a peg through their head, stick 'em in the back room, hang them upside down by their feet, cut their throat, and let the blood drain out.
DANE
What?!
JAMES
Say again- Hey, say again, bub?
RONALD
I own a shop. Out front, you can buy trinkets, doorknobs, hooks, foot pasties... In the back, there's people who've made me mad so I've driven a peg through their skull, hung them up by the feet, cut their throat and let the blood drain out.
DANE
Is that where you get the feet pasties?
RONALD
Sometimes.
JAMES
I got a question. Is this...allowed?
RONALD
There's no rule that says a dog can't play basketball.
JAMES
Say that… say that again.
RONALD
You know?
JAMES
Say that again, mate.
RONALD
I said, there's no rule that says a dog can't play basketball, aye?
JAMES
A dog?
RONALD
So show me where it says I can't kill people, hang them up by their feet, cut their throat, and let the blood drain out, and then scrape their feet with a vegetable peeler, and make a baklava!
DANE
Right, but like… is there a market for that?
RONALD
I'm in business, aren't I?
JAMES
It seems like there's a market for baddies, yeah. If you're a real baddie.
RONALD
Yeah!
DANE
...foot pasties though…
JAMES
No croissant in your shop?
RONALD
Not yet.
JAMES
You plan to, maybe... down the road... three years...? Five years?
RONALD
My five year plan is to build a boat out of the bones. Float across the ocean.
JAMES
Mate, you talkin' about a bone boat?
RONALD
Yeah, I'm gonna make a bone boat.
DANE
What about bone boat? Are you making a bone boat?
JAMES
Out of what - human bones??
DANE
Bit heinous, isn't it though?
JAMES
Yeah. Curious, ain't it?
RONALD
In a nutshell - since you two are so nosy and want to know everything about my private life - yeah! I sell pastries made out of foot skin from people that I've killed because I was mad at them. And I'm saving the bones to build a boat. A bone boat.
JAMES
Right, a human bone boat.
RONALD
A human bone boat.
DANE
Do bones float naturally? Like...
RONALD
They float great!
JAMES
Common knowledge, ain't it?
RONALD
Why do you think bodies keep washing up on the shore?
DANE
Right.
JAMES
So, you sell a few bone boats, do a bit of traveling-
RONALD
No, the boat's for me.
DANE
What even brought you over here into this conversation in the first place?
JAMES
Yeah, seems a bit braggadocia of your bone boat, huh?
RONALD
You two are asking me all the questions, I'm just trying to make some friends! I don't have many frie-
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