Transcript
THREGG
everything should be good for you.
CUSTOMER
Alright.
THREGG
All right, take care.
CUSTOMER
Thanks, You too.
THREGG
Okay.
(Over Intercom) Reed.
CHRIS
That's us.
BRAD
That's us. Okay. All right. Remember, just go...
THREGG
Hey, how's it going?
CHRIS
Hello
BRAD
Hi! Hello!
THREGG
Howdy fellas!
BRAD
Hello!
CHRIS
Hi.
BRAD
Hi.
I'm Brad, by the way.
THREGG
Brad, nice to meet you.
BRAD
Hi, I'm Brad.
CHRIS
Chris, nice to meet you.
THREGG
Chris, nice to meet you too.
BRAD
Sorry, it's our first time doing this.
THREGG
No, no worries. Hey, that's fine.
We're always out to help new institutions all the time.
My name is Threg. I will be your service person today throughout the exchange.
We'll be able to take care of everything from selection down to the paperwork and your delivery options.
BRAD
Nice.
CHRIS
Fantastic.
BRAD
Delivery too?
Oh, that's nice. That's nice.
THREGG
Yeah, yeah.
What are you two in the market for?
CHRIS
We're here to get...
BRAD
You go, you do it.
CHRIS
So it's a body.
Yeah, just...
We want to get a body.
BRAD
Yeah.
THREGG
Yeah, okay. I mean, hey, that's why most people come here, right?
CHRIS
Yeah
THREGG
A small organization, I'm guessing, from sort of the way you two got...?
CHRIS
Um, yeah, I mean
BRAD
Well...
CHRIS
New... newer...
New-ish
THREGG
Right on!
BRAD
It's like a new, well, we're new to it.
I guess you could say we're going into our fourth year at the institution, but everyone
at the institution is sort of like on a contract for about four years...
and then...you leave...
CHRIS
Mm-hmm
BRAD
probably.
CHRIS
Yeah.
THREGG
Please - we work with loads of colleges. Loads of different medical programs.
CHRIS
Okay, cool.
BRAD
Oh.
You could tell that's...
THREGG
Since it is affiliated with an educational institution,
I actually have a different intake form and some discounts that we can levy towards your plan to make
these things a little bit more affordable. So yeah, if...
BRAD
Oh.
CHRIS
Wow.
That's awesome.
THREGG
Okay, so all I need... I have your names.
The name of your institution?
BRAD
Victoria P Coopergrim Memorial College.
CHRIS
South.
THREGG
Oh nice nice yeah.
BRAD
South, south, south, south.
THREGG
South. Yep yep yep, nice nice.
Go Cabinets!
BRAD
Yeah, woo!
[LAUGHS]
CHRIS
Go cabinets.
THREGG
And uh...
CHRIS
Terrible season.
THREGG
What exactly are you looking for? How can we help you make this decision? We have a lot to
CHRIS
um
THREGG
choose from. I have 36 in stock in the showroom if we want to go take a look. Yeah.
CHRIS
Wow.
Yeah, we take a—
BRAD
Yeah, we can just-
CHRIS
Peruse.
BRAD
Do we need like, wear the covers over the shoes or?
THREGG
You're not allowed to enter unattended, but no just follow me stick to the walkways if you can
BRAD
Oh.
CHRIS
Okay.
THREGG
We'll just go right through this door. Don't mind how imposing it is - just got to keep them...
BRAD
Okay.
Oh, holy smokes!
CHRIS
Whoa!
THREGG
It's a little bit chilly. We got to keep them fresh after all
BRAD
I didn't realize it was like a whole showroom.
THREGG
The whole floor here is divided up into a couple of different sections.
We've got sort of the more experimental ones, we've got sort of your run-of-the-mill stuff.
What is, uh, what are you looking for?
BRADsigh
THREGG
What do you need in a body?
CHRIS
You know, I don't know if it...
BRAD
We just kind of want one at the house for the weekend.
THREGG
Okay, yeah, yeah, doing like a little, like a demonstration session.
Sure, sure, sure.
CHRIS
Yeah...
BRAD
Well...
CHRIS
demonstration's a good way...
BRAD
I guess it's a demonstration.
CHRIS
Yeah.
BRAD
Yeah, it's more so... I don't know if this is on your paperwork, but it's like -
There's a few houses on the street where we live
that they're like, 'we have the craziest parties.'
But no one else has a human body in their home.
And we're like, well, that could be...
sort of our claim to fame.
THREGG
Sure, yeah. Hey, I mean, I know how it is with med students. They can be pretty enthusiastic.
BRAD
Well...
Chris you're a...
What's your major?
CHRIS
My major?
BRAD
Yeah.
CHRIS
It's something business.
THREGG
Okay.
BRAD
And I'm sort of like in the, you know, grab a few classes here, a few classes there, and see what I can sort of...
CHRIS
Undeclared. Yeah.
THREGG
Sure, um...
Why don't we take a look at this one right here?
Actually, I think...
BRAD
Wow.
CHRIS
Look at that!
THREGG
Yeah, you'll see just very average, nothing too wild going on here.
BRAD
Wow
And does this one sort of fall like in the $300 category?
THREGG
No, this one, ahh...
The tag - actually on the toe...
I know, a little bit cheesy.
CHRIS
I thought it was kind of funny.
BRAD
What probably like, $450 or something?
THREGG
No, this one is...
$3,500, but with the educational discount, of course that'll have to get approved
through your college and everything like that, but with the educational discount we can knock
off 4%, so let me just crunch that real quick for you.
BRAD
3,500? And that's rental, or own to own?
THREGG
It's to own.
There's no returns.
I have our whole terms and conditions sheet that I can provide you with in a moment.
CHRIS
That's way more than I thought it was going to be though.
THREGG
Educational discount comes 4% off of this.
We'll get it down all the way to...
$3360 for you.
$3360, which I gotta say is a pretty good price for a specimen this fresh.
BRAD
Yeah.
CHRIS
Where do you keep the uh...
do you have any like, cheaper...
bodies?
THREGG
Uh, well, yes. There is...
Over this way.
CHRIS
Okay.
THREGG
We call them the discount deceased here because we like to have a little bit of fun.
CHRIS
What's your cheapest one...
in this pile?
THREGG
Um... probably this one.
What we're looking at here is just a little bit of an older specimen.
Not at time of death, but we had an issue with
the coolers, and um...
This was one of the ones that was
in a warmer environment too long.
So decomposition has begun just a little bit.
BRAD
Oh.
CHRIS
Oh, gross. I mean...
THREGG
It's not too bad, it's just not as fresh as it gets.
But this one, I mean, we'd be willing to part with it...
probably around $2800.
BRAD
And that's like the...
CHRIS
Wow. That's the...
BRAD
That's like, a cheap one.
CHRIS
Okay, what if like...
THREGG
Yeah, with the 4% discount that knocks $112 off, uh, $2800 minus...
CHRIS
That's still like 2700 something.
THREGG
Well, it's two-six. $2,688, but VPCM is a small college, so I'll tell you what, I would be
CHRIS
Yeah, I mean, that's basically...
THREGG
willing to throw in a couple extra discounts, see if we can't get it down to 2,500 for you.
CHRIS
Well, I appreciate that but, what if we did something different. Got...
BRAD
Mm-hmm
CHRIS
Just...
A little bit?
Y'know?
THREGG
I'm afraid I don't know. What do you mean just a little bit?
CHRIS
I mean, like, could we just take like...
the eyes, maybe?
Or the lips?
BRAD
Ew, Chris!
CHRIS
Like, what is just the lips?
BRAD
What do you mean, what is just the lips?
THREGG
Well, we don't usually sell just the lips.
Let me just run real quick over here.
I'm just gonna ring up my boss
and see if he's willing to make a deal,
considering this one's age and everything else
and the incident with the heating.
So you two can sort of talk about it - I'll be back.
CHRIS
I mean, it's this or it's you're gonna throw it out soon.
THREGG
That's not necessarily true, but I'll be back.
CHRIS
All right
BRAD
I thought we were getting the whole thing. What do you mean just the lips?
CHRIS
I mean, that's just... it's too expensive though.
BRAD
Yeah, but what are we gonna do? Have a pair of lips on the couch? People come over, they're like, "Oh, cool lips."
CHRIS
I don't know, I just feel like there's a lot of potential there.
We could just put lips on stuff.
BRAD
On what?
CHRIS
Like, a door?
BRAD
A door?
CHRIS
Or like, on the bathroom mirror
So when they look into it, they have a different mouth kind of.
BRAD
Dude, Rick and Mike down the house have three cats.
People go to their house because they love cats and their one cat does the thing.
CHRIS
We could put the lips on the cats.
BRAD
No, we're not going to put the lips on the cats.
CHRIS
That'd be hilarious!
BRAD
That'd be gross!
CHRIS
No, yeah, that would be-
THREGG
So, hi. Good news and bad news.
CHRIS
Hey!
Okay.
THREGG
Boss says that we can't break it down into parts as small as lips.
And I gotta admit, I saw that coming.
But we can, a little bit more if we want to extend it,
we can throw the lips, nose, eyes, eyebrows,
sort of the whole face together as kind of a package deal for you.
CHRIS
Huh. Does that go to the ear or beyond the ear?
THREGG
It kind of depends on how everything comes together.
CHRIS
I mean, so could we choose that?
If we put a clip on each ear,
THREGG
I mean, yeah, we're if.
CHRIS
you could make turn it into a face mask.
THREGG
I am going to pretend that I didn't hear that.
BRAD
Yeah, I thought we were gonna have like a cool house to come to I don't know you were gonna like want to do
all this weird stuff
THREGG
I'm going to assume that was a joke.
CHRIS
It was totally a joke.
THREGG
And it wasn't a very good joke.
Typically, if you're going to take the ears,
that means we're going to include the hair
and the hairline too.
If we did that, look at the rates divvy this down.
CHRIS
I mean at that point you could just pull it on over your face.
THREGG
We're looking at about $800 and then another 200 in labor.
CHRIS
Yeah. All right. No, no, no, no.
BRAD
I'd rather just get the body.
CHRIS
OK, listen. OK, that's still way too high.
THREGG
Okay.
CHRIS
Why don't you just take us to the room where you keep all the skin
and we'll just pick a couple pieces out of there.
BRAD
For what?
THREGG
Uh, room full of skin?
BRAD
Chris, that's disgusting!
CHRIS
I brought eight 20s, man.
We're not leaving here with much more than like a couple bits.
THREGG
I'm sorry, room full of skin?
That's uh, we don't exactly have a room full of skin you can just pick around in.
CHRIS
OK, I know you have to say that, but I know.
And we're just going to take a couple of pieces.
I just need enough to make like a small pair of shorts.
BRAD
Chris what the f-