Transcript
TOURIST
Ah.
CHARLIE
Perfect time for a treat!
TOURIST
It's piping hot out today!
CHARLIE
Yeah, hey-
TOURIST
Yeah, ice cream sounds perfect.
CHARLIE
That's why I'm here. Yeah, no, we have probably the widest selection in all of the Scottsdale Zoo.
TOURIST
Really?
CHARLIE
Oh yeah.
TOURIST
How many flavors is that?
CHARLIE
20.
SALVADORE
Eh, big selection don't necessarily mean lots of flave.
TOURIST
What flavors do you have?
SALVADORE
Oh, me?
CHARLIE
His whole thing is that he only has one flavor of ice cream.
SALVADORE
It's not just one flavor, it's three delicious flavors in one.
TOURIST
Really?
SALVADORE
Daddy's Spumoni Wagon, my friend.
CHARLIE
It's...
SALVADORE
Best spumoni in Scottsdale, Arizona.
CHARLIE
no, it's...
TOURIST
I'm curious, though, you said it's one flavor made of three flavors? What? So like-
CHARLIE
No, no, no, no, no, no, come here.
TOURIST
I mean, I'm curious.
CHARLIE
He's- yeah-
TOURIST
He only sells one flavor of ice cream.
SALVADORE
Spumoni, bud!
CHARLIE
You know how like- you buy coffee at Whole Foods and it's covered in like, tasting notes and all of this nonsense?
TOURIST
Yeah, right.
CHARLIE
It's that kind of thing that he's trying to do.
SALVADORE
It's not that kind of thing. Nope! it's an old recipe from my dad. Cherry, Chocolate and pistache. Yeah, it's short for pistachio. That's the green one.
TOURIST
Interesting.
SALVADORE
Yeah, it is interesting. It's good, too.
CHARLIE
I've got- a larger variety of flavors. And I'd say, look at- I mean, looking at these, where else can you find eggplant? Salt? Where else could you possibly find Roblox licensed ice cream?
SALVADORE
Yeah but who wants that weird stuff?
TOURIST
I'm just so- I'm so perplexed by the fact that you're obviously still in business even though you only sell one.
SALVADORE
Well sir, I'm perplexed that you might go get Roblox ice cream as a grown man. Sir, you sit at home and play Roblox?
TOURIST
I mean...
CHARLIE
Oh, or do you stand in a zoo because your rich dad bought you a cart and you have nothing else to do?
SALVADORE
My dad made the money from these three flavors, buddy. Cherry, pistache, and chocolate.
CHARLIE
Then why did he go to jail
TOURIST
What do you guys- Sorry.
CHARLIE
for insurance fraud?
SALVADORE
Cuz he was confused dude!
TOURIST
Oh my god.
SALVADORE
he's confused bud!
CHARLIE
Yeah, he was confused. Okay.
SALVADORE
Sir, try...
TOURIST
I want- can I- well,
SALVADORE
yeah? you go.
TOURIST
can I just ask? I just want to ask a question to both of you.
SALVADORE
After you're done, I'm gonna ask you why you're a grown man playing Roblox by yourself.
CHARLIE
Before you start, I want you to know that 40% of every purchase gets donated to the American Wildlife Foundation.
SALVADORE
Okay.
CHARLIE
Only at Chilly Charlies!
TOURIST
I specifically said I had a question about the ice cream, though.
CHARLIE
But, and I said before you ask your question, I wanted you to know that Chilly Charlie's Chilling Trivia is that Chilly Charlie's donates 40% of every sale. to the American Wildlife Foundation. Now what was your question?
SALVADORE
Hey Charlie, with all the ch- you with all the what's it called? Uh, alliteration- you sound like a choo-choo train! [LAUGHTER]
CHARLIE
And you sound like a criminal.
SALVADORE
More like Choo Choo- I'm not it's my dad's fault!
TOURIST
Where- yeah, where are you from?
SALVADORE
I'm from Long Island, pal. My- well, my family is. I moved to Scottsdale because My dad, yeah, there was insurance fraud, had to kinda leave.
CHARLIE
I'm from Nebraska and I moved here by choice.
SALVADORE
TMI, Scottsdale baby, for life!
CHARLIE
You should probably, it's just getting hotter...
TOURIST
I mean, like there isn't even a line forming behind me, which is just crazy.
SALVADORE
Well, it's monday at three dude!
CHARLIE
Yeah. Not a lot of people come to the zoo at Monday at 3.
TOURIST
Yeah, well, so the question I had-
SALVADORE
Yeah, if you want to do something interesting at 3 o'clock on a Monday by yourself, take an Instagrams of this spumoni! A little melty too, people- you'd probably get at least four or five likes.
CHARLIE
And if you scan this QR code with your... what is it, like knockoff Walmart phone? If you scan it, it'll bring up our menu that actually has our secret menu items on it.
TOURIST
I don't need this.
CHARLIE
Can your phone scan QR codes?
TOURIST
I had a simple question.
SALVADORE
Wait, turn around again.
CHARLIE
Yeah, what's the back of your shirt say?
SALVADORE
Did you buy that Scottsdale Arizona Zoo shirt and wear it at the zoo the same day you're at the zoo?
CHARLIE
Did you show up at the zoo without a shirt on and have to buy a shirt?
TOURIST
No! I...
SALVADORE
You still got the tag on the back!
CHARLIE
Oh my gosh!
TOURIST
I'm gonna go get- I'm just gonna go get a soft pretzel.
SALVADORE
[LAUGHTER] Yeah, you also seem like the type of dude who eats a pretzel alone at the zoo in a brand new shirt.
CHARLIE
Yeah, where's your family?
TOURIST
I'm actually here, on a Monday, because I was visiting out of town for a family funeral.
CHARLIE
You didn't bring a shirt for the zoo, I hope you brought a shirt for the funeral, buddy.
SALVADORE
Whew, is that you that stinks like that?
CHARLIE
Anyway, are you gonna buy this stupid Roblox ice cream or what?
SALVADORE
[LAUGHTER]
CHARLIE
[LAUGHTER]
TOURIST
No, I don't- I think I'm gonna leave.
SALVADORE
Hey, you know, on your way out, stop by the gift shop they do have orangutan ties, if you need like a nice tie for the thing, they got like elephant ties.
CHARLIE
Yeah, and deodorant.
SALVADORE
Yeah. You stink a little bit, huh?
CHARLIE
Kinda smells like your spumante or whatever you sell.
SALVADORE
No, it's called spumoni. It doesn't smell that bad. Before you leave, take a little... Don't buy the... You want my ice cream?
TOURIST
I mean if you're gonna let me taste test it yeah I'll have a bit.
CHARLIE
If you try his, you can't try mine.
SALVADORE
If you try his first, you can't try mine because your mouth is going to be blowing out with salt or eggplant or, I don't know, pig.
CHARLIE
We have peanut?
SALVADORE
Oh, peanut. That's fine.
CHARLIE
Yeah, it's crunchy.
SALVADORE
Yeah, that sounds good.
CHARLIE
Not peanut butter!
SALVADORE
Just peanut.
CHARLIE
You look confused, are you stupid?
TOURIST
No I think I'm just gonna go get a soft pretzel.
CHARLIE
Yeah, you would.
SALVADORE
Later, pretzel guy!
CHARLIE
Have fun with your pretzel.
SALVADORE
I'm gonna call Pete on the cell phone. Let them know that some dude's gonna come buy a pretzel from him who stinks.
CHARLIE
I just texted Pete.
SALVADORE
Well, I texted- I could have texted him before you did. I just decided to call him. Because I'm better friends with him.
CHARLIE
I was talking with Pete last night.
SALVADORE
Oh that's cool, yeah Pete and I this weekend went on Pete's boat and caught fish.
CHARLIE
Oh, that's fun. And also kind of funny because I'm pretty sure I was on PodBox Live playing PodBox 480 with...
SALVADORE
Oh, that's weird because I thought Pete-
CHARLIE
Pete.
SALVADORE
a couple weeks before that, Pete and I went in his garage and-
CHARLIE
A couple weeks ago when Pete's wife was pregnant and I was helping deliver the baby?
SALVADORE
No, before that, when I was there...when Pete was saying, "Hey, I need you to leave because I'm probably going to go create a child" that night, and I made him food before they did that.
TOURIST
How much ice cream do you guys-
CHARLIE
Oh god, you're still here!
SALVADORE
Hey, go get the pretzel, dude!
CHARLIE
Yeah, get the pretzel!
