Transcript
DR FESMAN
Mr. Washington?
MR WASHINGTON
Whoa.
DR FESMAN
Hey, there you are. Mr.-
DR FESMAN
... Washington.
GEORGIA
Oh-
GEORGIA
... there he is.
THREG
Hey.
GEORGIA
Hi!
DR FESMAN
Hi. Now, I'm sure you feel strange.
MR WASHINGTON
Is my surgery done?
DR FESMAN
No.
THREG
No.
GEORGIA
Well-
DR FESMAN
No, far from it.
GEORGIA
It could be.
MR WASHINGTON
Oh my God. I'm-
GEORGIA
No, no, no.
THREG
Don't look down. Don't look down.
GEORGIA
No, no, no.
DR FESMAN
Don't look down, look at us. Look at us.
GEORGIA
Hey, come to me. Look at me in the eyes.
MR WASHINGTON
Oh, hi.
GEORGIA
I know that you came in for some routine stitches, but while we have you opened up, just so we don't have to charge a reopening fee-
MR WASHINGTON
I-
GEORGIA
... if you wanted to sell us one of your kidneys, just one, you could afford to get some real organ upgrades in there.
THREG
Hi. Hi. Uh-
MR WASHINGTON
Uh, hi. Hi.
THREG
My name's Threg, and I'm with-
MR WASHINGTON
Hi-
THREG
... P-Mobile. And I wanted to-
MR WASHINGTON
... Threg.
THREG
... let you know that we're actually running a special promotion right now, through New Year's Eve, where we are offering pancreas upgrades. Now, I know you're a little bit out of it, so let me give you just a quick refresher.
MR WASHINGTON
My pancreas?
THREG
Yes. Yes, your pancreas.
MR WASHINGTON
Wuuuhh
DR FESMAN
No, don't look down. Don't don't look down. It's okay. You're good. You're good.
MR WASHINGTON
What does my pancreas do?
THREG
A lot of people like to think of the pancreas as the stage manager of the body. It does a whole lot of things. It extracts endocrine and exocrine. It helps with insulin, glucagon. Now, the thing we-
MR WASHINGTON
I don't want-
THREG
... can offer you-
MR WASHINGTON
... my glues be gone.
THREG
No, and you won't.
GEORGIA
You do not.
DR FESMAN
You keep your glues.
MR WASHINGTON
I can't move my hands.
GEORGIA
It'll be good because now that you're getting pancreas upgrade, you don't need both of those kidneys. The pancreas is going to do a lot of the heavy lifting for you.
THREG
Exactly.
GEORGIA
And when you sell us one of your kidneys, doesn't really matter which one, I'm kind of partial to the left myself, but everyone's different, we'll be able to make sure that we get you into that pancreas before you drive away from this hospital today.
MR WASHINGTON
I...
DR FESMAN
And Mr. Washington, while we're in there, really quick, I've noticed, doing a little bit of peeking, I've noticed that your blood cells seem a little bit dirty. And if you'd like to, I'll slide through all these photos I took while you were in surgery. Now, this is me moving your spleen around. Now, if you'd like to, your spleen doesn't seem too good, and I'd love to put a brand new one in there for you.
MR WASHINGTON
Is that-
DR FESMAN
And if-
MR WASHINGTON
Agh.
GEORGIA
There's no need-
THREG
No, no, no.
GEORGIA
... to look down.
THREG
Don't look down, don't look down. Don't look down.
DR FESMAN
No. Here, actually, yeah, do look down. This is kind of what your spleen looks like in my hand, if I squeeze it a little bit.
MR WASHINGTON
Is that my spleen.
DR FESMAN
Yeah. And it says it's your spleen, and it sounds like it's filtering your blood really bad.
THREG
It does.
GEORGIA
I can hear that.
DR FESMAN
I'd like to get you a new one of those too.
MR WASHINGTON
It looks-
DR FESMAN
If you take a kidney out-
MR WASHINGTON
... [inaudible 00:02:35].
DR FESMAN
... and you get a pancreas, I'll throw in the spleen for $6,000.
GEORGIA
Oh, that's a good deal.
DR FESMAN
All I need you to do is just touch the screen here to sign this.
GEORGIA
Yeah.
THREG
And right now, we're also offering protection plans at a 50% discount if you donate one or more kidneys. So-
MR WASHINGTON
Okay.
THREG
... not only would you get a spleen upgrade, a potential pancreas enhancement, you will also be receiving drop protection, spill protection, scratch and scuff. And you're eligible for one free reopening for a servicing in six months.
MR WASHINGTON
Is my wife here?
DR FESMAN
No.
THREG
No.
DR FESMAN
She has hasn't shown up yet.
GEORGIA
No, I don't think she's coming.