Transcript
KENT
I'm gonna grab some Altoids. You want some Altoids?
BENN
Yeah, I want to get the green the green ones.
KENT
Okay, cool.
Yeah, okay.
BENN
We're going to throw these on, too, if that's OK.
CASHIER
Oh yeah, yeah, you got it, you got it.
Scan those altoids.
BENN
Yes.
CASHIER
That is going to...
BENN
I'll take mine.
CASHIER
OK, yeah, keep those out of the bag.
BENN
Thank you.
KENT
Yeah, thank you.
CASHIER
It's going to bring your total to $68.45.
KENT
Cool, cool. Do I re-
CASHIER
(high-pitched) What do you think of that?
[PAUSE]
CASHIER
68?
BENN
Okay, yeah, we'll just split it down the middle.
KENT
Okay.
Ben, do we have enough for the...
CASHIER
(high pitched) Split down the middle.
Okay. Uh, are you, are you using two cards?
BENN
Kent just use yours, I'll podcash you.
KENT
Okay, actually we won't split it then.
We'll just put it all in one. I'll put it on mine.
BENN
Yep.
CASHIER
Okay, okay.
KENT
Benn, do we have what we need for the party?
BENN
Yeah, yeah!
CASHIER
Did you see we have a sale on ice?
BENN
Oh, that'd be good.
KENT
Hmm yeah, but I mean-
CASHIER
(high-pitched) That'd be good! Ice be good!
(high-pitched) You need ice?
KENT
I'm sorry?
CASHIER
I think I was being pretty clear.
(high-pitched) Do you need some ice?
KENT
uh
BENN
Let's grab ice. Let's grab ice.
KENT
You want it? You want?
BENN
Yeah, can you throw on two bags of ice, please?
CASHIER
It's sunny, it'll melt. Yeah!
KENT
Okay, we'll grab some ice.
CASHIER
That is going to bring your total to $74.80.
KENT
Perfect.
Okay.
BENN
Great.
CASHIER
(high-pitched) Does that sound good?
(high-pitched) How would you like to pay?
KENT
um.. I-... um...
CASHIER
You still splitting it down the middle?
KENT
No, I'm going to pay by card. On mine.
BENN
After the fact Kent will do it
KENT
Yeah.
CASHIER
(high-pitched) After the fact, Ken will do it.
All right.
Whenever you're ready, you can just scan your pod watch.
KENT
um
CASHIER
It's going to make a weird beep sound.
KENT
It's g-
CASHIER
(high-pitched) A weird beep sound.
KENT
Yeah, I've paid with it before. I've got it.
It's just, sorry. I'm trying to line it up.
BENN
Hold it in the center. Hold it in the center
CASHIER
Wait if you don't do it fast enough it's gonna-
KENT
I'm sorry.
CASHIER
Alright it canceled it so-
BENN
Hold it in the center.
KENT
Okay, gosh.
CASHIER
I have to rerun.
KENT
Can I just insert?
CASHIER
(high-pitched) Can I just insert? No.
KENT
Excuse me?
CASHIER
Um, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I was, um, I just choked on my water a little bit.
KENT
Okay
CASHIER
(high-pitched) And I'm not even drinking water.
KENT
Okay
CASHIER
All right. I ran it again.
BENN
Hold it in the center.
KENT
Um.
BENN
OK, great.
KENT
OK, cool.
CASHIER
Before you finish and hit confirm,
you're going to notice on the touchpad
it's asking if you want to donate.
KENT
Oh, uh, probably not today.
I'm sorry.
BENN
Yeah, to what?
CASHIER
Well, yeah, you didn't even hear what.
KENT
Okay, I'm sorry, yeah, what are we donating to?
CASHIER
(high-pitched) Oh, I'm sorry, what are we donating to?
So this is actually it's for squids that lost their tentacles.
BENN
Oh.
CASHIER
Well, the suction cups on the tentacles, because they're just slippery arms.
BENN
That's sad.
KENT
Oh, SAFS.
CASHIER
Yeah.
KENT
I like that. I support SAFS. I think it's great, but I...
BENN
Well just put on...
Put $5 towards it. I'll podcash you.
CASHIER
It's... the minimum is $10.
BENN
Put $10 towards it, I'll podcash you.
KENT
Are you sure?
BENN
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
CASHIER
you just saved half a squid.
KENT
No, you know, actually I'm gonna, I'm gonna skip out on it.
CASHIER
So.
All right.
KENT
Can we cancel that? I'm so sorry. Just not this time.
CASHIER
(high-pitched) Just not this time!
KENT
Okay, well-
CASHIER
So well half-
KENT
No!
CASHIER
That half of the squid is just gonna still be...
...gonna die
KENT
That's not what happens, but okay.
CASHIER
(high-pitched) That is what happens.
KENT
Okay.
Can we be done?
CASHIER
Are you asking me that?
KENT
Yes, I'm asking you that, or was that-
CASHIER
No, so I'm sorry, no.
So the next screen you're gonna notice here,
BENN
Ugh.
CASHIER
this is asking if you want to donate.
It's to a different thing though.
KENT
Okay?
CASHIER
So that's just $5.
KENT
What is CMHC?
CASHIER
C-H-M-C?
KENT
C-M-H-C
BENN
C-M-H-C
CASHIER
(high-pitched unintelligible acronym)
BENN
It says right here.
KENT
Yeah, C-M-H-C
BENN
C-M-H-C
CASHIER
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
KENT
Would you like to donate $5 to CMHC?
CASHIER
Would you?
KENT
What is CMHC?! I don't know!
CASHIER
(high-pitched) It's reeeeeeally important!
BENN
Okay, but what is it?
CASHIER
It's only five dollars.
BENN
Fine, just donate to that one.
Let's move on, move on.
KENT
Okay fine, yes, yes.
CASHIER
And now this next one I have to enter, do you have an account with us?
KENT
What do you mean?
BENN
I do.
KENT
Oh, you do?
CASHIER
Would you like to set up an account with us?
BENN
No, I have an account.
KENT
I don't have an account.
BENN
Does it matter that he doesn't have an account but he paid but I do but I didn't pay?
[PAUSE]
CASHIER
(high-pitched) ...yes.
KENT
Okay.
CASHIER
(high-pitched) Let me get my manager.
KENT
No, no, no, no, no, that's okay, that's okay, that's okay, that's okay.
CASHIERsigh
You guys are really annoying.
BENN
Okay??
KENT
I'm sorry. Okay.
BENN
That's not very nice.
KENT
Yeah!
CASHIER
What's your account under?
BENN
Mine?
KENT
I don't have one.
CASHIER
Do you want to make one?
KENT
Probably not today.
CASHIER
(high-pitched) Probably not?
BENN
Why do you keep doing that?
KENT
Yeah, what's the deal?
BENN
Say stuff we said high pitch.
CASHIER
Well, I'm glad you asked, actually.
KENT
Are you?
CASHIER
(high-pitched) ARE Y-
[MUSIC]
CRUMMY AI
Hello, it's me, Crummy13, the artificial intelligence created by PodCube for the end of transmissions. There is a big announcement from PodCube that I want to tell you about, even though I was told not to say anything yet, but I double checked and I am not specifically programmed not to tell you, so I am going to.
PodCube has just launched PodCube Premium 360 Plus.
It's a collaboration with Patreon, where you can get access to the PodCube Premium 360 Plus RSS feed for as little as $3 a month.
PodCube Premium 360 Plus integrates seamlessly with your podcast application of choice, and allows you to listen to all of our regular transmissions, as well as exclusive not-safe-for-work transmissions, bloopers, outtakes, extended segments, weekend dualiscopes, and more.
There will be a demonstration on Friday, but you can find out more right now at Patreon.com/PodCube.
PodCube Premium 360+ subscribers also get exclusive stickers and merch, as well as new merch for free at random.
The merch is really nice too.
Anyways, do not tell anybody that I said this. Go to Patreon.com/podcube or click the link in the notes of this transmission.
Thank you for choosing, or having already chosen, PodCube.
The Future, is Yesterday™.
